The Root of the Problem

Today I am making the choice to dig down deeper than I ever have. I am going to dig down to the root of the problem. Even though I say I am planted firmly there is a problem and it needs to be tended to immediately. I am going to dig down and uproot the very source of this.

Anytime I am asked what has a negative hold on your life that needs to be changed I always reply with my behavior ( anger). Anger is the only emotion I used to express and I was a very violent person back in the day. I am no longer violent thanks to God and His patience in dealing with me while helping through this process. I still find that slamming a door or hollering from time to time makes me feel so much better. Just keeping it real! The real challenge is watching my mouth because once I say something out of anger I don't really mean there is no taking it back. Now this is something that can be seen on the surface so like I said digging deeper today.

The real root of the problem is abandonment issues. Wow! God just revealed to me why I am still dealing with this. So as a young child at the ages of five I lost my mom in a car accident. Then at the age of seven I lost my dad due to a heart disease. I was tossed around from place to place during my childhood and never had the sense of stability. Really, I have put all this behind me, but I realize the same circumstances that happened in the past are still happening now just in a different way. Make sense? Let me explain. So, not long ago, I lost my cousin and a friend during the months of October and November. Now the thing is I felt abandoned by those around me who I thought would be there to support me. It was like I was being abandoned all over again. The truth is I don't tell anyone how I really feel especially when I am broken! Then I wonder why I feel the way I do. If I am not honest in how I feel and express these true raw emotions I will never get past them. Stop holding everything in!!!

The past is something that haunts most of us and even when we think we have dealt with it here it comes again rising up out of nowhere when we least expect it. I know for a fact that when we don't properly deal with the past it will hinder our future. This does not only create difficulty or delay, but stops us from moving forward. When we deal with the past the memory of it always remains and the scars are still there, but these are merely reminders of what we are capable of overcoming.

Today as I have faced the real problem and dug down to the root of it all I must say that even though this was very hard I feel lighter after shaking off my roots. I have been holding this in too long. Anyway, if we just dig down to the root of it all and deal with the real problem then we can truly plant ourselves deeply rooted as we should be. Now our roots will be able to stretch even further than before. This is where the new growth starts!!!